A Second Goonies Movie

For some reason this rumor has resurfaced (does it ever really go away) lately. There has been talk about a second Goonies movie for at least 4 years, based on my looking back through forums and messageboards. Actually, I’m sure it’s been discussed since just after the original came out in 1985. Almost 25 years since that movie came out? Wow! Can you believe Cory Feldman is pushing 40 years old? That’s crazy to me!

A search for “Goonies Remake” yields the following results:

This begs the question that I never considered, because in my mind The Goonies should never be touched in any way:

Goonies Remake?

Neither one of these options sounds particularly appealing to me. In order to remake The Goonies, you would need to cast just the right actors to replace the originals. In fact, there would be no replacing the originals. They’re just too perfect, and fans would have a hard time seeing anything but the 1985 versions of the characters. Just for fun, though, what do you think of my choices for

Brand (the older brother) played by Josh Brolin

Shia LaBeouf?

Zac Efron?

Robert Pattinson?

Exactly. Josh Brolin is Brand, and always should be. I’m not really familiar with the  current 11-14 year-old actors/actresses. In fact, maybe the mark has been missed, since so many of the almost-20-year-olds would have been great to cast a few years back. The conundrum I find myself in is that there are many great actors and actresses that could try their hand, but they’re older. In being older, it takes the magic out of the still-young-enough-to-want-a-pirate-adventure age of the original characters. For fun, though, let’s look at who could play a slightly older Goonies cast:

Andy (the cheerleader) played by Kerri Green

Emma Watson?

Ellen Page?

Miley Cirus?

They could all probably pass for the not-as-young-as-the-real-goonies girl. After all, in the original the girl who played Andy (Kerri Green) was 18. All of the above actresses could pass for that age. Ok, so we have some prospects for Brand and Andy. The next character who was supposed to be a little older than the 4 younger guys is

Stef (Andy’s friend) played by Martha Plimpton

Saoirse Ronan?

Although the following actors are older than the original cast members, here is who I have in mind for

The Goonies

Mikey (the asthmatic younger brother) played by Sean Astin

Christopher Mintz-Plasse?

Michael Cera?

Mouth (wise-cracking foulmouth) played by Corey Feldman

Anton Yelchin?

I know he’s black, but Bobb’e J. Thompson?

Data (the gizmo freak) played by Jonathan Ke Quan

I know he’s not Asian, but Dev Patel?

Chunk (the truffle shuffler) played by Jeff Cohen

I know he’s too old, but Jonah Hill (when he was younger, maybe)?

I know he’s not chubby enough, but the kid from Two and Half Men (Angus T. Jones)?

Who Could Forget

Sloth

Seth Rogen?

Goonies Sequel?

They’re too old, I won’t accept the movie being about their kids and any story will pale in comparison to the original. Enough said.